Wow. Today has been a hard day. At the stroke of midnight, my heart began to pound as I pushed air through my noise maker and shot off my confetti popper because despite the great night I was having with some of my siblings, our friends and their grandparents, I felt utterly alone- and I have ever since.
I thought I was doing good about my whole unfortunate boy situation, but now I'm starting to feel pretty dang emo, like fifth grade all over again. I suddenly feel sad and found myself wondering- what's wrong with me? I had to mentally kick myself for having such thoughts because I know that I am a beautiful, loved daughter of God. This situation might suck, but it's certainly not my fault, nor is it in my control, sadly. The ball is in his court now. It's crazy how much energy I've spent today keeping myself from texting him, just to say hi. Which seems ridiculous because we're still friends, I mean, he's so oblivious that I'm not even sure he's noticed that I'm upset, but I feel like he needs to be the one to reach out next. He's home now, many states away, and it's as if I don't exist anymore. <--- That sentence should show how dramatic I'm being because he's only been gone for a day.
On Tuesdays I have youth group, and normally, on the first Tuesday of the month we split up, guys and girls, and us girls have girl talk/prayer time. Unfortunately for me, since I could obviously use that right now, this Tuesday is a service week. Which is great, but I could use all of the support I can get at the moment. Speaking of which, I am so thankful for those of my friends who I have talked about this with. Each and every one has been so insightful, thoughtful, and loving and I feel so blessed by them.
Jesus take the friggin wheel.
PS- My new car, which I have decided is a boy and named Dex, got TH0ROUGHLY cleaned today. I'll try to post a few pics soon. :)
Title credit: "Sophomore Slump or Comeback of the Year" by Fall Out Boy
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