2012

Happy New Year!
It's so crazy to think about how many huge changes are about to take place in my life. On the 10th, I'll be 18. On May 30th, I will graduate high school. More than likely, I will spend my entire summer working at a camp for disabled youth and adults. 2 days ago, I got my 2nd car- this one's not a hoopti! Crazy stuff.

On a different note, I want to feel like my heart is being ripped out of my chest. The man I have feelings for played me, and I've known him for my whole life. I should be in misery right now, but since the initial wave of anger has subsided, I just want to forgive him. I have so much care for him, it doesn't seem to matter that apparently (judging by his recent actions, since he wouldn't give me a straight answer) I don't matter. Maybe it's because of the immense support I'm receiving from my friends, some of whom seem to be more offended than me at this point. I wish I knew what feeling like this means, because I'm pretty damn sure it isn't normal to take it this way. I don't feel like telling my 5 brothers so they can "take care of him", I still want to be his friend, and I am not jealous of the other girls (3 that I know of, not that we were at all exclusive or anything). I'm obviously hurt, and I wish he would at least man up and apologize, but somehow, my feelings for him haven't changed.
Jesus take the wheel.